Cast: 2 Horses, Martian, perhaps some costumes
Setting: Race Track
If necessary, explain that these are two horses and a Martian.
#1: You know, I had a bad day on the track today. My rider must have eaten a lot last night, because he was a lot heavier than usual, so my back got really tired and I almost tripped.
#2: I've had similar problems. My rider hits me in the side so much with his feet that I can't run because it hurts so much.
#1: Say, did you hear that the ugly mare is going to be entered into the grooming contest? The mane on that thing just doesn't compare to either of ours.
#2: You're right. Things in the racing world just don't seem to be fair to us horses.
Martian: You know, I could help you two out with your problems.
#1 & 2: Look! A talking Martian!
Preparation
The Wizard and the lone Scout need to rehearse their lines, and everybody should practice a few times. The practice is as much fun as the skit. Encourage all participants to ham it up. The Wizard should wear a long bathrobe.
The Skit
A lone Scout rushes onto the stage and screams that the enemy is coming. He has no weapons to fight with! What should he do? "I know. I'll have to ask the Wizard. It's my only chance to save humanity from the terrible enemy."
The Wizard enters the stage, and the Scout rushes to him begging for help. The Wizard tells him not to panic, and hands him a secret invisible sword. The Wizard explains the sword, and tells him to say, "Stabety Stab!" when he uses it. The Wizard assures the Scout that this magic sword will protect him.
The Wizard retires to a quiet corner of the stage.
The Scout is delighted. He waves the sword around, and tells everybody about it. He boasts about what he will do with it. He moves to one end of the stage.
Several enemy soldiers sneak onto the other side of the stage, saying, "There he is" and "Let's get him." The Scout panics as they approach, worries aloud about what to do, and finally remembers to use the magic sword. Yelling "Stabety Stab!" over and over, he kills all of the enemy in a mighty battle. He is very proud of himself, and boasts of his ability.
More enemy soldiers begin to enter. The Scout starts forward, yelling "Stabety Stab!" but the enemy keeps on coming. The Scout rushes back to the Wizard for more help. The Wizard gives him an invisible gun, telling him to yell, "Bangety Bang!"
Again the Scout boasts about his weapon, goes into battle, and kills all the enemy. Again he boasts that he can defeat any enemy with the Wizard's magic weapons.
The situation is repeated, and the Scout tries "Bangety Bang!" and "Stabety Stab!" without success. This time the Wizard gives him a magic laser, for which the Scout yells, "Zapety Zap!" Again he kills all the enemy and boasts. The Wizard quietly disappears.
A single enemy soldier enters the stage. He is the biggest Scout in camp. He creeps slowly forward, as our Scout boasts about how easily he can defeat the enemy. The enemy soldier ignores the "Stabety Stab!", "Bangety Bang!", and "Zapety Zap!", as the Scout tries them several times. The Scout looks desperately for the Wizard.
The enemy moves faster across the stage. As he knocks the Scout down and runs over him, he yells, "Tankety Tank! Tankety Tank!"
Cub 1: Tie up the flap. It's cold outside!
Cub 2: Oh, go to sleep and you won't feel the cold.
Cub 1: Oh please close the flap. It's so cold outside!
Cub 2: Jumps up, pulls down the flap, jumps back into sleeping bag). Now, there. Is it
warmer outside?
Leader: "Thar's a Bar." (correct pronunciation is important)
Bear Warner: "Whar?" (be certain that he pronounces it correct, if not
correct him.)
Leader: "Over Thar." (pointing with his right hand and arm extended)
A to B: "Thar's a Bar." (at which point he will probably point, so correct him.)
B: "Whar?"
A: "Over Thar." (now he should point with the arm extended for the rest of the
skit.)
B - C: "Thar's a Bar." ... and so on until the last one says it to the leader.
Go through the same procedure with the left hand. The third time have both hands extended, right leg extended, bent down. Last time the leader goes through the ritual, he pushes the guy next to him so that the rest will fall like dominoes.
Cast: Nature Guide, 3-4 Victims (line them up as you get them)
Guide: I'm going to bring you through an imaginary trip to follow a bear's daily activities. First, I need a volunteer (He will be a victim). First, we'll kneel down, you in front of me. Then I'm going to say, "There's a bear!" and you're going to respond, "Where?" and I'll point him out. You still won't see him and repeat, "Where?" and I'll point him out, and then you'll say, "Ahh. I see him, he's over there!" and point the same way I did.
Guide: There's a bear!
1: Where?
Guide: Over there!
1: Where?
Guide: Over there!
1: Ahh. I see him, he's over there!
Continue by introducing the other victims, one at a time and lining them up in front of your previous victim, and repeating the same sketch, but increasing the length as you go through it in a repetitious manner ie. you point out to #1, then he to #2, then he to #3, then he to #4. Finally,
Guide: Guess what? He fell over! (Push over your victims)
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
The man leads his donkey around the campfire. "Water! Water!" cries the donkey with a raspy voice.
"Patience, jackass, patience" says the man.
And they keep walking in circles around the campfire and repeating this (about 5 times) until someone in the audience yells, "Hey, when are you going to get to the punch line???"
The man yells back "Patience, jackass, patience!!"
#1: I'm thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is interested.)
#2: I'm thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is confused.)
#3: I'm thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back.)
#5: How do you do that? (Doesn't get an answer.)
#4: I'm thirsty, but the cooler's on the beach. I guess I'll have to go get one there.
(He seems to walk on water, by walking on the bench, and comes back. #5 is perplexed.)
#5: Okay. Let me try this.
(He tries to walk on water, but begins to sink into the water.)
#3: Should we have told him where the rocks are?
Scene: An old prospector seated around his campfire eating dinner. First tired hiker walks up to the campfire.
1st Hiker: "Hey, old timer. That grub smells mighty good; would you happen to have any extra to spare?"
Prospector: "Sure, sonny; hand me that empty plate over their and I'll fix you right up."
1st Hiker: "Gee, this plate looks kinda dirty."
Prospector: "Dirty? That plates not dirty; it's a clean as Three Rivers can get it." Prospector dishes up the food; hiker shrugs and eats.
1st Hiker: "Well, thanks for the grub. I've got to be moving on."
1st Hiker leaves and prospector continues eating. 2nd hiker walks up to the campfire.
2nd Hiker: "Boy, I've been hiking for miles and I sure am hungry. Would you have any of that great stew to share?"
Prospector: You bet; hand me that bowl over there and I'll fill it up for you."
2nd Hiker (makes face as he looks into the bowl): "This bowl seems pretty dirty to me; do have a cleaner one?"
Prospector:" Dirty? Why that bowl's as clean as Three Rivers can get it."
Prospector dishes up the food; hiker shrugs and eats.
2nd Hiker: "I've got to be going; thanks for the food."
2nd hiker leaves and prospector finishes eating.
Prospector: "Well, that was mighty good grub. Now, time to clean the dishes."
(Prospector puts dishes on the ground and whistles). "Three Rivers! Here, Three Rivers!". ("dog" comes running and starts cleaning the plates.) "Good dog, Three Rivers."
Props: Pick, pan, No. 10 cans for cooking, two beat-up hats, mask for dog (if desired) and blanket for mule.
Prospector 1: Howdy!
Prospector 2: Howdy!
Prospector 1: Any luck?
Prospector 2: Nope!
Prospector 1: Come fur?
Prospector 2: Quite a job.
Prospector 1: Et lately?
Prospector 2: This mornin.
Prospector 1: Hungry?
Prospector 2: Yep.
Prospector 1: Join me?
Prospector 2: Don't mind iffen I do.
Prospector 1: Have a plate.
Prospector 2: (Holds up plate and looks at it) Don't want to seem to be pickyunish, but
ain't this plate a mite dirty here in the corner?
Prospector 1: (Looks scornfully at him) Well now, it all depends on how you look at it.
But I'll tell you one thing for sure. It's as clean as Three Rivers can get it.
Prospector 2: (Shakes his head looking at plate) Clean as Three Rivers can get it?
(Mule brays a loud "hee-haw")
Prospector 2: Shut your mouth, Sunshine. You heard what the man said.
(1st prospector dishes out stew and they eat.)
Prospector 2: Mighty good vittles.
Prospector 1: Thanks pardner. Mind handin' me the plates so we kin clean em up?
(2nd prospector hands him the plates)
Prospector 1: (Puts plates on floor and calls loudly over his shoulder)
Here Three Rivers. Here Three Rivers.
(Dog comes up and starts licking plates.)
"We're three scoops of raisins,
three scoops of raisins,
We're three scoops of raisins--
In Kellogg's Raisin Bran!"
At this point, another scout comes runing out with a big wooden spoon, saying, "Yum yum, raisin bran, ohh boy, I love raisin bran," and he grabs one of the raisins and drags him off kicking and screaming. He comes back in a few seconds later, licking his spoon in a satisfied manner.
Now the raisins singe, "We're two scoops or raisins," etc.
Same thing happens again--guys grabs one of the raisins, drags him off, etc.
When you get down to the last guy, he sings, "I'm one sc--sc--oop of r-r-r-raisins," etc., "In K-K-K-ellogg's Raisin B-B-B-ran," looking around in a terrified manner.
Of course, the guy comes charging out, waving his spoon, at which point the raisin exits, singing, "Oh I wish I were an Oscar Meyer Wiener..."
Number of participants: 4 or more
Props: Articles of clothing
# 2 enters and passes # 1, wearing a hat.
# 1: "Where did you get the hat ?"
# 2: "Timothy Eaton."
# 3: enters and passes # 1 carrying a pair of pants.
# 1: "Where did you get the new pants ?"
# 3: "Timothy Eaton."
Others enter carrying new articles of clothing and offer similar explanations. Finally # 4 enters wearing just underwear.
# 1: "Who do you think you are dressed like that ?"
# 4: "I'm Timothy Eaton !"
The skit starts off with the narrator saying something about this is a demonstration of how a person can brush his teeth when there is a shortage of water. The first person takes a drink of water from his cup and proceeds to brush his teeth with his finger. After a few seconds he stops and places his head against the ear of the next person in line and that person's cheeks begin to bulge out as the first persons deflate. This person (the second person brushes his teeth with his finger for a few seconds and then puts his mouth against the next person's ear with the same results and son on down the line until the last person in line in reached. This person upon finishing brushing his teeth releases the water he has in his mouth into the cup in his hand.
"OK, now for Eddy's best trick. We've been practicing this all week. We need a volunteer from the audience. Lie down, and Eddy will walk over you without harming you!" (Eddy does it, but the last guy dumps a glass of water on the volunteer.) "Oh! Sorry! Eddy's not potty-trained yet."
#1: It's a deer
#2: Nope, it's bear
#1: I'm sure it's a deer
#2: Uh-uh... look there. It's a bear...
As this goes on continuously, a group of scouts form a line, all holding on to each other's hips and form a train. They then come chugging along the track towards the guys arguing about the animal (lots of chug-chug noises here).
When they get to the two guys arguing they run them over and then, from the first two guys in the train line you hear....
Train #1: What'd ya think we hit?
Train #2: It was a deer
Train #1: But it looked like a bear...
off the stage....
The audience is first told the boys are trees during the summer. Their Branches are strong and sturdy, and they are full of leaves providing shade to The forest animals. While the narrator is talking, the "trees" raise their Arms and mime what the narrator is saying.
Next the audience is told about a tree in the fall and how it begins to lose Its leaves. The "trees" should begin to sag their branches.
Next the audience is told about a tree in the winter time and how the wind Howls through their bare limbs. Someone can supply the sound effects if you Desire, and the boys should be moving like their is a large gust of wind Pushing them around.
Finally, on cue as you say the word spring, have the volunteer move quickly Between the trees several times. You will finish the skit by saying "...... And Also in the springtime, notice how quickly the sap runs through the trees."
This skit can be as long or as short as you want to make it. As each season is Discussed in as great as detail as you want. The trees should be mimicking what The narrator is saying. Make sure the narrator places emphasis on the word Sap, so the audience reacts quickly to the gag.
Cast: Mother, Father, Child, scout staff with sprig of evergreen lashed to the top; materials to make snipping and sawing sounds (you can pre-record these on cassette tape.)
Setting: Kitchen
Mother is on stage, father and child out of sight.
Father tells child to go ask mother how the tree looks.
Child runs onstage and asks.
Mother peers through imaginary kitchen window, hints and says it needs more off this side.
Child runs off stage and repeats her directions. Sounds of sawing, snipping, etc.
Repeat several times, with mother pointing in different directions each time, father perhaps becoming impatient, and child becoming more and more tired. Finally many sounds of sawing and snipping. Father marches on stage with staff, show it to mother and audience.
Father: Now is it right?!?
Props: Items called for in skit on a table (use your imagination to create wilder items)
Setting: Bob is standing by table with props. As each boy enters, he hands him the
appropriate item.
Cub #1: On the first day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- a knob to adjust my TV. Thanks Bob.
Bob: You're welcome!
(Each cub takes items and exits. Then next cub enters from opposite side of stage)
Cub #2: On the second day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- two napkins. Thanks Bob.
Bob: You bet!
Cub #3: On the third day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- three French fries. Thanks Bob!
Bob: No problem!
Cub #4: On the fourth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- four comic books. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Glad to do it!
Cub #5: On the fifth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- five rusty nails. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Don't mention it!
Cub #6: On the sixth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- six greasy rags. Thanks Bob!
Bob: OK!
Cub #7: On the seventh day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- seven soggy sweatshirts. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Yeah, you're right!
Cub #8: On the eighth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- eight mugs for milk shakes. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Give me five! (does high five with Cub #8)
Cub #9: On the ninth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- nine dirty dustpans. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Cool dude!
Cub #10: On the tenth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- ten leaping lizards. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Check you later!
Cub #11: On the eleventh day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- eleven pies for pitching. Thanks Bob! ( A pie plate full of whipped cream can actually be thrown at Bob here - if you like!)
Bob: (wiping off cream) That's what friends are for!
Cub #12: On the twelfth day of Christmas my good friend gave to me -- twelve dump trucks dumping. Thanks Bob!
Bob: Bye, pal! (last cub exits, table is cleared of all props) Now, let's see. That was (singing) twelve dump trucks dumping, eleven pies for pitching, ten leaping lizards, nine dirty dustpans, eight mugs for milk shakes, seven soggy sweatshirts, six greasy rags, FIVE RUSTY NAILS, four comic books, three French fries, two napkins and a knob to adjust my TV. (looks at audience and wipes brow) Whew! I finally did it. I finally got my closet cleaned out!
Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! Boys and Girls! Come and see the Ugliest Man in the World! (or Smell the Worst Breath in the World!) Ah you, Sir, would you like to try?
#1: Sure, why not! I've got a strong stomach! (looks under and faints (or says, Bad Breath!))
Continue with your other "volunteers." Each faints with, "Oh, Gross," "He's Ugleeeee!" and so on. Bring in your victim and invite him to look (or smell.) Suddenly, the UMITW faints in a similar manner to the volunteers (or says, Bad Breath!)
Vampire #1: Mmm.
Delicious. Vould you like some?
Vampire #2: no, thanks. I couldn't drink another bite.
Vampire #1: So vat's new.
Vampire #2: Nothing much. I just saw a poor old bum begging on the street corner.
Vampire #1: You did. Vat did he say?
Vampire #2 He vanted me to help him. He said he hadn't had a bite in days.
Vampire #1: So what did you do?
Vampire #2: Vat else? Naturally, I bit him!
Version 2:
Cast: 4 Kids, The Viper, rags, pump spray
#1: (Comes running in) The viper is coming in an hour! Hide! (Runs out)
#2: (A moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in half an hour! Run! (Runs out)
#3: (A moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in 15 minutes! Call for help! (Runs out)
#4: (A moment later; runs in) The viper is coming in 5 minutes! Save yourselves! (Runs
out)
Viper: (A moment later, with props) Hallo! I'm de Viper! Vere's de Vindows?