Barber is on stage. Customer enters and asks for a hair cut. Barber checks him out, announces he thinks this is a job for his brand new haircut machine, and convinces the customer to try it. Customer sticks his head into the back of the box and barber turns it on (sound effects). Customer yells, flails, flops and goes through incredible contortions, shaking off the wig in the process. Barber, unperturbed, turns off the machine. Customer pulls out "bald" head and races screaming off stage.
The Punch line: When the actors are in the crowd the smack-ee tosses the contents of his bucket in a wide arc over as much of the audience as possible. In the version I saw the bucket was filled with pieces of newspaper but in a Scouting setting a bucket full of leaves would work just a well. If the actors have a little talent and practice this can be extremely funny.
Owner goes around on the bus asking people if they've seen his Belly Button. Some ignore him, women gasp, people are horrified, some respond, "The nerve of him!" "How crude!" "What a rude person!" Finally he spots the toy and exclaims,
Person: Ah! Belly Button! There you are, you bad dog!
HAV is walking down the street and all of a sudden, he falls to the ground, holding his chest. Two men come up and seeing this, they begin CPR.
#1: Mister! (Claps hands.) Hmm. Check for breathing! I'll check for a pulse! (nothing)
We need to do CPR. Give AR!
#2: (Does two breaths)
#1: (Pumping chest, counting aloud) 1,2,3,4....15! Again!
(Repeats 3 times; then checks; then.)
#1: Okay -- check for breathing, and I'll check for a pulse! (They check.)
Nothing! Switch!
All THREE, including victim, switch places!
Need: 5 or more scouts (1 is an announcer, 1 is an Angel).
Announcer: Here we are at the Gates of Heaven.
Scout 1: (Walks up to angel at gate) Hello, I see I've come to Heaven.
Angel: Well, you're not in yet ! First you've got to tell me how you suffered on Earth.
Scout 1: Well, I spent a week eating camp food.
Angel: I'm sorry, you haven't suffered enough. (Scout 1 exits dejectedly.)
Scout 2: (Enters) Hi, I'm here to get into Heaven.
Angel: Fine, fine. And how have you suffered ?
Scout 2: I went on a long hike and got blisters all over my feet.
Angel: Sorry. That's not enough suffering to get into Heaven. (Scout 2 exits)
Scout 3: (Enters) Can I get into Heaven ?
Angel: How did you suffer ?
Scout 3: I'm in (Pick someone's name who can take a joke) (troop/pack/six/class, etc.)
Angel: Well, come on in !!
Cast: 2 Friends, HTCITW
Setting: Campfire
Tree climber is hidden in the woods and is able to ruffle a bush or tree.
1: You know, they say there's this really good tree climber trying out for the
Olympics. I wonder if he's practicing around here?
2: Call out and see!
1: Hey! Tree Climber! You around here?
Climber: Yep!
1: You practicing?
Climber: Yep!
1: How high are you?
Climber: Oh, not high. About 100 feet.
1: Wow! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 200 feet.
1: Fantastic! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 275 feet.
1: Neato! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 325 feet.
1: Great! Can you go higher?
Climber: Yep! (Ruffles tree.) Now I'm at about 400 feet.
1: Gee! I'm amazed!
2: Excuse me, Sir, but I have a book here that says that the highest tree in the world is
only 360 feet high!
Climber: Ahhhhhh!!!!!! (Thump!)
Version 1:
Cast: 3 Lost Campers
Setting: Woods
#1: Boy, am I hungry! We haven't eaten in days!
#2: Me too.
#3: And I would just love a hot meal.
#1: (Looking to ground) Wow! A rabbit! Jump it! (#1 & 2 jump it and catch it; they
start to eat it.)
#2: (Looking back at #3) Would you like some?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#1: Suit yourself.
(A little later)
#2: Hey! A squirrel! Get it!
(#1 & 2 get it and start tearing it apart)
#1: (To #3) Would you like a morsel?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
(A little later)
#1: Wow! A moose!
#2: Be very quiet. (#1 & 2 jump it and kill it; they start eating it)
#1: Look, there's plenty here, we don't need to keep it all to ourselves, even if we did
get this without your help. There's too much to eat anyway. Want any?
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
#2: Are you sure? You haven't eaten anything for even longer than us two.
#3: No thanks, I'm waiting for a hot meal.
(After a while,)
#1: Boy, I'm stuffed.
#2: Me too. But I think I'm getting sick. (Throws up.)
#1: I'm sick, too. (Throws up.)
#3: Wow! A hot meal!
Version 2:
Cast: 5 People, Cabby
Setting: Outside of Restaurant
#1: Boy, what a meal. I really gorged myself.
#2: Me too.
#3: Eating that much makes it hard to walk. Let's get a cab.
#4: Agreed.
#5: Taxi!
(They all get in.)
Cabby: Get ready for a good ride, boys.
The cabby pantomimes driving, going along like a race driver, swerving from side to side, up and down hills, does a real roller coaster ride. Sort of like my driving, if you've experienced it. The people swerve left to right with the driver, all hanging on to dear life and lunch, until they all throw up.
Cabby: Wow! A five course meal!
Version 1:
Cast: 5 Guys kneeling in line (1st is captain, last is dummy)
Setting: Submarine
Captain: (Looking through periscope) Aim torpedo 1!
2: Aim torpedo 1!
3: Aim torpedo 1!
4: Aim torpedo 1!
5: How do I do that?
4: How do I do that?
3: How do I do that?
2: How do I do that?
Captain: With button 1!
And so on down the line.
5: Oh! (Presses button 1.) (Poof!)
Captain: Ahch! We missed!
And so on down the line.
Captain: Fire torpedo 2!
And so on down the line, after which is, "How do I do that?" "With button 2!" on down the line. Continue down through to torpedo 4 (or 5 or however many,) each time the captain becoming more frustrated and annoyed and calling the guy names etc. Each exclamation, for the best effect, should be repeated down the line. Finally, they run out of torpedoes and then...
Captain: The only thing left to do now is to kill myself (shoots himself.)
And so on down the line.
5: How do I do that?
Version 2:
Same kind of situation, but this time it's a bunch of garbage collectors, racing their truck down their route.
Driver: Okay! Try the first one! (They miss.)
Others: Darn! Next time we'll get it right! (And so on at every stop.)
Finally...
Driver: Well, guys, we missed all of the garbage stops. I guess the only honorable thing to do is to pick up the garbage properly! (And they do.)
Narrator: One morning, Farmer Friendly went out to the barn to begin his chores (pantomime walking). He threw open the barn door, and to his surprise, he found an elephant in his barn (pantomime throwing open door, surprise). The farmer didn't know what to do with the elephant so he decided that the first thing to do was to wash it. He led the elephant from the barn (pick up the elephant's trunk and walking with it over your shoulder, open and close barn door). He left the elephant near the pump, got a bucket and scrub brush and pumped the bucket full of water (pantomime the actions). Now he was ready to begin. First he scrubbed the left side (lift up elephant's ear and wash that). Then he was ready for the stomach (lie down on floor; wriggle under elephant and scrub underside). Next, the right side (repeat actions as for left side). Then he scrubbed the elephant's face (pantomime scrubbing between eyes and down length of trunk). Almost done (walk to rear of the elephant, gingerly lift up tail and quickly scrub there). There, that's done! (Pantomime throwing out rest of water, putting the brush in bucket and setting bucket beside pump. Take the elephant by his trunk and lead him back to the barn, open door, lead him in, go out and shut door behind.)
Narrator tells audience he will call people back in, one by one, and pantomime the stunt, without benefit of narrative. The first person will do what he remembers for the second person, and so on. He will, of course, have no idea what the motions mean, so it can be very funny. By the time the actions are pantomimed for the third person, it will be distorted and bear little resemblance to the original version.
After all three have tried their luck, the narrator explains the story and tells them what they were doing.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"Huh? Wha? Go back to sleep." The little scout crawls back over everyone and goes back to sleep for 5 seconds.
The little scout climbs over all the other sleeping scouts, who try to remain asleep, and shakes the scoutmaster. "Scoutmaster! Scoutmaster! I gotta go wee!"
"OK! OK!", says the scoutmaster, "If you've gotta go, then go."
The little scout stands up and waves his hands in the air: "Weee!!!!"
A large Scout lies stiffly in the middle of the stage. The Professor enters and introduces himself, giving a very Russian-sounding name. He boasts about his great abilities and how he will prove that he is the greatest scientist in the world. He has created a monster named Igor, who can obey three different commands! With these commands, the Professor will control the world.
The Professor is interrupted by a loud knock on the door (from off-stage). A Scout enters, trying to sell a subscription to home delivery of the local newspaper. The Professor refuses, but the Scout persists. The Professor turns to the audience and says, "Now you will see what I can do with my monster!"
He turns and points to Igor and says, "Igor! Stand!" Igor slowly stands up. The Professor says, "Igor! Walk!" Igor stiffly walks toward the Scout.
He says, "Igor! Kill!" Igor reaches out and strangles the Scout, who dies with a great show of anguish.
"Ha! Ha!" says the Professor, "Now you see what I have achieved! Now you know that I can control the world with Igor and my three commands!" Igor slowly goes back and lies down.
The scene is repeated at least twice more, with a Girl Scout selling cookies, a religious zealot, a vote-seeking politician, or a door-to-door salesman. Each time, the Professor boasts, he is interrupted by a persistent salesman, and he uses the three commands. Each salesman is killed off.
The Professor finally comes to the front of the stage, with Igor lying among the bodies behind him. He boasts again about his three commands, and how he will use them to control the world. All he has to do is say, "Igor! Stand!" Igor stands.
"Igor! Walk!" Igor walks toward the Professor, who does not notice him.
"Igor! Kill!" Igor kills the Professor, turns, and lies back down.
Thief is looking around the house, with a flashlight perhaps and holding the BUTTER knife (anything else would be overkill, and dangerous) and is always saying, "I'm gonna get you!" in a way that COULD suggest he's trying to find the members to kill them in their sleep. Be CAREFUL to only make references that are VERY vague. He goes around in the different rooms of the house, sometimes saying, "Not here," perhaps in reference to sleeping people. Finally,
Murderer: Ahh! They sure do keep the peanut butter in a crazy place in this house! (Starts to enjoy the PB using the butter knife.)
Cast: 4 Russians, 1 Person late for work
All actors come out one at a time, using Russian accents except the last person.
#1: (Comes out) I'm Russian!
#2: I'm Russian! Thank you! (Bows.)
#3: I'm Russian! Qvestions?
#4: I'm Russian!
#5: I'm late for work and I'm rushin' too!
Enter the narrator, outfitted as a news reporter. In confidential tones, the reporter explains that this is an important meeting of the group committee, gathered on this occasion to make some very important decisions.
As the narrator says something like, "Let's see if we can get a bit closer to hear how things are going", the group at the table add some mumbling and unintelligible arguing to their mime. Occasionally, they punctuate the din with outbursts such as, "No, no!"; "I disagree!"; "That's better"; "No way!"; "That might work" and the like.
Finally, the hubbub dies, the group settles back. One member stands and announces, "Then it's decided; a 12-slice pizza with olives, mushrooms, lots of cheese, but hold the pepperoni."
All: Agreed!
The customer shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how firm and steady it is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of water? Pretend it's coffee. When it sits on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between the shoulder blades of the coffee table and jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and leaves. The dejected salesman dismisses all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to figure out how he will get up without spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on!
A scout runs in to a camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is five miles away!" The soldiers look up, mumble, and act nervous.
A scout runs into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! The infantry is one mile away!" The soldiers stand up and start gathering their gear.
A scout runs into the camp of soldiers yelling "The infantry is coming! They're just over the hill!" All the soldiers scream and run away, opposite direction that the scout came from.
Two people run in from the direction the scouts came from, carrying an infant tree. They run after the soldiers.
Version 2:
Cast: 3-4 People, Person carrying a sapling
#1: (Runs in) The Infantry is coming! Go to the bomb shelters!
#2: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Save yourselves!
#3: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's help them!
#4: (A moment later, runs in) The Infantry is coming! Let's watch the tanks!
(A moment later)
Person: And here it is, the Infant Tree.
First person: "Hey this guy is hurt." he goes and checks his heart beat.
First person: "No heart beat, help me do CPR"
Second person goes down and starts pumping on the chest and the first guy does the mouth blows. Do this for a little while.
Second person: "I'm getting kind of tired here I think it is time to switch."
First person: "OK, ready"
At this point the person on the ground gets up, one of the other people goes down and they start doing CPR again.
There you go, this is a good skit to do with leaders.
Setting: Meeting Hall
Leader: Troop! (Does the sign.) Line up for inspection.
Kid in perfect uniform is at end of line. Leader checks each one, says "Hmm," at each one, writes down something. Gets to last kid.
Leader: Johnny! You're in perfect uniform! How many times will it take for you to get it right! You make the others look bad!
The customer shows some interest. The salesman pats and wiggles the coffee table to show how firm and steady it is, then picks up a cup (empty) and says something like, "See this cup of water? Pretend it's coffee. When it sits on this table, you know it will never spill!" He places the cup between the shoulder blades of the coffee table and jiggles it gently. "See!" The customer says he'll think about it and leaves. The dejected salesman dismisses all the furniture except the coffee table and leaves. The coffee table tries to figure out how he will get up without spilling what he thinks is a cup of water all over himself. Cheer him on! ---
First boy is squatting as though sitting on an invisible bench. The second boy comes in and asks what the first is doing.
"I'm sitting on the invisible bench."
"Can I join you?"
"Sure, there's plenty of room."
Second boy pretends to sit.
A third boy comes along, and the scene repeats.
Go on for as many boys as you want.
When the last boy comes along, asks and is answered, he says "But I moved it over
there this morning!"
AAAAHHHHHH!!!! All seated boys fall down.
Cast: Grandma, Grandpa
Setting: Train Station
Grandma: (In old voice) Grandpa, is a train passing from the south today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the south, returns, and
in an old voice,) No, Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the north today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the north, returns.) No,
Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the east today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the east, returns.) No,
Grandma.
Grandma: Grandpa, is a train passing from the west today?
Grandpa: (Hobbles over to station, checks the schedule, looks to the west, returns.) No,
Grandma.
Grandma: Good. We can cross the tracks now.
C.K.: I'm the roughest, toughest, meanest, ugliest pirate to roam the seas. Watch this. (Tries to scare first man walking by.)
Man: I'm not scared of you!
C.K. keeps on trying to scare people going to work ("Late for work!") walking the dog (Dog runs up and starts to play with C.K.) kids (they laugh, "Hey! Halloween isn't till next month!") and so on. Finally, he's quite dismayed.
C.K.: Hmm. Maybe I'm not so scary after all. Maybe I should go into movies. (Looks at himself in the mirror.) Ahhh! (Runs away scared.)
Have several boys standing in a line (facing the audience) with one arm on the next boys shoulder. The first boy in line looks at the second and asks the second boy, "IS it time yet?" The second boy asks the third boy the same question and so on down the line. The boy at the end of the line looks at his watch and says to the boy next to him, "No, its not time yet," and this continues on up the line to the first boy in the line again with each boy saying it in turn. This can continue a couple times; then when it gets to the last boy, he says, "It's time!" and when the message gets back to the first boy each boy moves his arm from the other's shoulder and puts his other arm on the boy next to him.
Version 2:
Line of 5-8 Scouts standing with left foot crossed over right, right arm crossed over
left.
First Scout in line asks: "IS IT TIME YET?" -
Second Scout asks third, etc down the line.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Word is passed back to the first Scout, one Scout at a time.
After a lonnnnnnnng pause, First Scout asks: "IS IT TIME YET?"
It goes down the line as before.
Last Scout says: "NO"
Again and the word is passed back.
Another long pause...............
First Scout asks again: "IS IT TIME YET?" etc and,
Last Scout says: "YES" the answer is passed back. Just after the first Scout
gets the word, they all change to right foot over left and left arm over right.
Version 3:
Text from Best of Leader Magazine Cut Out pages:
Six to ten players sit in a line facing the audience, legs stretched out in front of them, left leg crossed over right at the ankle. The player at one end asks the one beside him, "Is it time yet?" The question passes from person to person down the line. The last player looks at his watch and tells the person beside him, "No, not yet." The reply passes from player to player back up the line to the first person. Players send question and answer up and down the line three or four times, each time becoming more and more impatient and fidgety. Finally, the end player replies, "Yes, it's time now." The news passes from one to another up the line to the first player who says, "Oh, thank goodness!" At this point, all the players uncross their legs and re-cross them right over left.
Scout 1: Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go back to sleep.
Scout 1: (A little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: Go back to sleep!
Other Scouts wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining,"
"You're keeping us awake," etc.
Scout 1: (A little later) Scouter, I gotta go wee!
Scouter: (Annoyed) Go back to sleep!
Other Scouts wake up and mumble, "Aw, keep quiet," "Stop whining," "You're keeping us awake," etc.) (continues once or twice more. Finally,
Scout 1: But Scouter, I really gotta go Wee!
Scouter: (Really annoyed and exasperated) Fine, Johnny, GO WEE!
Scout 1: (Sits up, starts wiggling arms and calls out,) WEEEEE! WWWEEEEEEEEEEE!
One Scout is standing on stage. A Second Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "Those are nice shoes. Where did you get them?" The Second Scout says, "J. C. Penny [J.C. Penny is a department store in the USA.] " and walks off.
A Third Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice shirt. Where did you get it?" The Third Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Fourth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice pair of pants. Where did you get them?" The Fourth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Sixth Scout walks up. The First Scout says, "That's a nice hat. Where did you get it?" The Sixth Scout says, "J. C. Penny" and walks off.
A Seventh Scout walks up wearing only a towel. The First Scout says, "Who are you?" The Seventh Scout says, "I'm J. C. Penny."
Version 2:
Cast: Person standing on street, 3 Friends passing by, JC Penny in underwear/swim suit
only
Setting: Street Corner
Remember that all of the friends come from the same side of the stage, and leave on the same other side (ie. all are walking in the same direction.)
Person: Hey, Frank! Nice to see you! Hey, I like those shoes! Where'd you get them?
Frank: JC Penney! Look, I gotta run! Bye!
Another friend comes up.
Person: John! Nice shirt! Where did you get it?
John: JC Penney! Real nice clothes! See you!
Another friend shows up.
Person: Steve! Hey! The pants! I love 'em. Where'd you get 'em?
Steve: JC Penney! Bye!
JC Penney comes running through.
Person: Hey! Who are you? Why are you running around like that?
JC: I'm JC Penney! I'm trying to get my clothes back!
Recruiter: (To audience) Join the army and learn some great skills! You can become rough and tough like me! For instance, you can learn wrestling! (Two trainees wrestle on the floor) And how about judo! (Trainees do a judo flip) And Tai-Chi! (Trainees do Tai-Chi moves.) And my personal favorite, Karate! (Tries a Karate chop on a trainee; trainee blocks it, recruiter hurts himself and runs away crying.)
#1: Boy, what a lunch! Those Jumbo Burgers were really strange -- but good. I wonder why they wouldn't tell us what kind of meat was in it?
#2: Oh, you know, they tell that, then people will expect the kinds of spices and other ingredients they put in and they'll lose their secret recipe.
#1: You're right. But I'm still curious.
#2: Yeah, but forget it. Maybe we'll go back tomorrow and have another. Let's turn on the radio.
Radio Voice: Jumbo the Elephant from Lodge's traveling circus died last night during a performance from a heart attack. And for this week's "Poor Taste" award, given to restaurants for serving poor quality food, goes to Richi's Burger House. It appears that they have been serving "Jumbo Burgers" whose origins seem to be a little vague .... (Guys realize what they ate and start to throw up.)
Cast: Reporter, Doctor, Bus driver, Pilot, Mechanic, Cook, Tax Consultant (and/or just about whoever you need -- the only constant is the Reporter.)
Setting: Cliff
Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. (Swings arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ... (Suddenly,)
Doctor: Hey! What are you doing?
Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. Why are you here?
Doctor: I haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the operations I've filled in for. Hey! Why don't we commit suicide together?
Reporter: That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...
Bus Driver: Hey! What are you doing?
Reporter: I haven't had a single story in weeks, so I'm going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff.
Doctor: I haven't had a patient come to visit me in weeks. And I goofed all of the operations I've filled in for. So we're going to commit suicide by jumping off this cliff. Why are you here?
Bus Driver: I keep on having accidents with my bus, so they fired me. Hey! Why don't we commit suicide together?
Reporter and Doctor: That sounds great. (They swing arms to 1,2,3) One ... Two ...
Pilot comes in at the same time and asks what's going on -- same thing happens, he gets asked why he's here, so he says that he keeps on crashing planes. They all are about to jump when the cook comes in, and the same thing happens, and he says that he always burns the food he cooks. They all are about to jump when the tax consultant comes in and explains, the same way the others did, that he keeps giving bad tax advice and the government is jailing his customers for tax fraud. Finally, they all are about to jump, and they do -- except for the reporter who says,
Reporter: Hey! What a story!
Cast: Karate Expert, 3 Muggers, 1 Mugger with a gun
Expert: I now can feel safe when I walk through the park and not have to worry about muggers now that I know karate from all over the world. For instance,(mugger sneaks up to him, gets a karate chop,) Hiii-Ya! I learned that Japanese Karate Chop in Osaka, Japan. (Another mugger sneaks up.) I learned this --(flips him) -- the Chinese Mugger Flip -- in Southern China. (Yet another mugger sneaks up.) I learned the Round the World Kick, like this one (does a turn & kicks him) in Korea. So you see, I'm quite safe in the Park.
Suddenly another mugger runs in and shoots the expert dead.
Mugger: That was a shot from a .45 special I got from the Sears Catalogue!
Cast: 6 Cubs
Setting: Five Cubs Sitting in Their Clubhouse (indicated by appropriate signs) playing a
game.
Cub 1: (Runs in, very excited) Hey, you guys! Did you hear about the big contest?
Cub 2: What contest? What's it about?
Cub 1: The "Keep Canada Beautiful Contest," that's what!
Cub 3: Are there prizes? A contest is no good without prizes.
Cub 1: Sure, lots of prizes. Neat ones like bicycles and radios, and lots of good stuff!
Cub 4: (Gloomily) I bet it's hard. Contests with neat prizes are always hard.
Cub 1: Nope! It's easy. Even the rules say it's SIMPLE -- in big letters. The winner is
the one who picks the easiest way.
Cub 5: The easiest way to do what?
Cub 1: The easiest way to keep Canada Beautiful. That's what I've been talking about!
Cub 6: (With a swagger) Ha! Then I'm a cinch to win!
Cub 1: Why's it so cinchy for you? What's your great way to keep Canada beautiful?
Cub 6: (Takes out comb and combs his hair) See! That's the easiest way I know to keep
Canada Beautiful.
The others look at him, then at each other. Quickly they surround him, carry or drag him to a large box marked TRASH, and dump him in.
Cub 1: Like he said, fellahs, we're a cinch to win! That's the easiest way I know to keep Canada beautiful. (they exit, laughing while Cub 6 stands up in the trash box with a disgusted look on his face.)
First squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the hills of California!"
"Those raisins are not fit for peasants! Bring me my raisins!"
Second squire, "Here are raisins, sire, from the vineyards of France!"
The King, "They are hardly worth sneezing at. Bring me my raisins!"
Third squire ,"These raisins, sire, were hand-picked with tweezers by Benedictine Monks in Germany! "
The King, "These are the worst yet! Bring me my royal raisin supplier!"
Two guys drag in the royal raisin supplier
The King, "Why have you not brought me my raisins?"
Royal raisin supplier, "My rabbit died!"