F ¦ G
The players sit by the fire, reading, doing a puzzle, etc. The fire moves slightly. They don't notice. It moves again; they don't notice. This continues until, finally, the fire is pulled off stage. At that point, one of the players looks at the other and says, "Looks like the fire's gone out again!"
-- Thanks to Scouting (UK) magazine
Have four volunteers stand across from each other with arms on shoulders making a square. The Next four volunteers bend over with their rears pushed out and their arms around the waist of the four who are standing. The Next four get behind the knees of the four bent over, on all fours. The announcer continues to talk about fire lays and the importance of building a great fire lay. Ham this up and joke about the funny logs the scouts have brought for the fire lay. With everything in place, the announcer reminds all of fire safety and that you must always put out the fire when you are finished. ( at this point the senior staff member was heard assuring the others, no fear, its only paper)The Staff was then properly "put out"! It was a great sales job, and worked so well.
squad, Commander, Person to be executed
Person about to executed is standing at pole, doing a crossword puzzle.
Commander: Ready, aim ... What are you doing?
Person: The crossword puzzle from today's New York Times. A real tough one.
Commander: Did you know I'm about to have you executed?
Person: Sure. Here ... a four letter word meaning burning ... Hmm ... Do you have any idea?
Commander: Four letters -- burning -- (takes puzzle, walks in front of pole, person sneaks away) -- F-I-R-E ! FIRE! It fits!
Firing squad shoots and he buckles over with one of those knowing looks on his face.
are you doing there then?"
Fisher: "I'm fishing, what does it look as though I'm doing?"
Passerby: "Fishing eh!, what are you fishing for."
Fisher: "I'm fishing for suckers."
Passerby: "Have you caught any?"
Fisher: "Yes you're the third today"
Andrew: Whew! It sure is a long way out here.
Robert: Yep. (puts hand to eyes) I can't see the shore anymore. Ready to start fishing ?
Andrew: I think so. Looks like a good spot to me.
(Both ready imaginary rods, reels, hooks, worms, etc., and start fishing. Immediately they both start to catch fish, recast and catch more. Continue for several casts.)
Andrew: I told you this would be a good spot.
Robert: Sure is, the boat's full. Guess we have our limit.. Better get back.
Andrew: O.K. (gets oars ready)
Robert: Did you use a map to get here ?
Robert: How are we ever gonna find our way back tomorrow ?
Andrew: Oh, that's easy. I'll just mark the spot with a big X right here on the side of the boat ! (makes mark - both row away quickly)
Props: Fishing gear, a small row boat or cardboard silhouette of a boat, and a sign that says "boat dock".
Setting: The scene starts with the boat about 10 feet away from the boat dock. The Cub Scouts and their Den Chief are on their way to go fishing. The first Cub stops at the dock then walks out across the water and gets in the boat.
Boy 2: Hey wait for me! (he walks out to the boat)
Den Chief: Oh well... (steps into the water and pretends to fall in and drags himself back to shore)
Boy 3: Hey wait up. Here I come (walks out to the boat)
The Den Chief tries and fails again. The sequence continues until all the boys are in the boat and only the Den Chief remains on shore. Finally, one of the Cub Scouts says: "Should we tell him where the rocks are?"
RINGMASTER: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are proud to introduce the Den _____ Flea Circus. We will now present Hugo, who will walk the tightrope. When he reaches the center, he will turn a double somersault. May we have silence, please?
[Two Cubs stretch a string. Third Cub places "flea" on the string. Cubs follow movement of flea with exaggerated head movements, as it walks to the center of the string, and turns the somersault. One boy with his mouth open gets too close to the string and gulps as if he had swallowed a "flea".)
FIRST CUB: [Puts hand over mouth, gulps loudly.] I swallowed Hugo! [Begins to cry and leaves stage.]
RINGMASTER: Err...uh...well... On with the show. Our next act is about to begin. Homer will jump from this boy's hand into a dish of water. Keep in mind the size of this tiny fellow.
[Boy makes motion of tossing "flea" into dish, then retrieves him in hand.]
RINGMASTER: Well done, Homer. Give the little guy a big hand.
[Boy claps quickly, forgetting Homer...looks shocked, and slowly parts hands, sobs and runs off stage.
RINGMASTER: Too bad. But we must compose ourselves. Our next fabulous act features Hector, the weight lifting Flea. Hector is the strongest flea in the world. That rock may not seem large to you, but think of how small Hector is... compare his size to the size of this rock.
[Boy puts Hector on table, proudly points to him, flexes muscles, and points to Hector again.]
RINGMASTER: [To boy] Hold up that rock so the audience can get a better look at it.
[Boy holds up rock in one hand for audience to see... then plops rock back down on table without looking. Looks around for Hector, picks up rock and finds smashed Hector.]
BOY: Hector! Hector! [Sobs, hangs head, and leaves stage.]
RINGMASTER: We seem to be having a bit of hard luck. But the show must go on. I now introduce Harry, the bare-back riding flea.
[Boy removes shirt, then pretends to place "flea" on his bare back, then runs off stage yelling.]
BOY: Hang on, Harry! [Looks over shoulder while running offstage.]
RINGMASTER: [Relieved.] He made it! And now Hiram and Hillary will perform their world famous trapeze act. Hillary will make a triple somersault and Hiram will catch her.
[Boys hold up trapeze made of soda straws with a string through them. Two boys each hold one. Third boy places "flea" on trapeze and begin to swing it.]
RINGMASTER: There they go! Watch them swing! Hillary lets go, she's turning a somersault. One, two, three, and Hiram catch.. er.. misses her!
[Boys begin looking for Hillary on the floor.]
BOY: There she is! Points to floor near second boy.]
SECOND BOY: Where? [Takes a step where other boy pointed.]
BOY: You just stepped on her! Oh well, she needed more practice, anyway. Say, [to Ringmaster] we have another flea act for you. He's a man eating flea! [Opens box] Oops, he got away!
[Ringmaster begins to scratch frantically, yells help several times, and runs off stage. (Preferably into audience. ;) )
BOYS: [Chasing him] Hey! Bring back our flea! We want our flea!
The performer is putting his trained flea Flora through all her tricks, explaining all her tricks as she does them. His eyes follow every flip, jump, etc. as she performs and lands back in his hand. The he asks her to jump to the ceiling. His eyes lose her and she doesn't return. He looks high and low (perhaps with the help of a friend) but can't find her. Finally he looks in someone's hair.
Performer: (Delighted) Flora! There you are! I'm so glad to have you back. (looks more closely.) But say ... this isn't Flora!
Alternate Ending ... when Flora has done all her tricks,
Performer: Let's hear a big round of applause for Flora! (Begins to clap, then stops, horrified, realizing what he's done.)
Cast: 2 or 3 People,
cup of water, combs, Narrator
Setting: Sahara Desert
Narrator: Here are some poor, thirsty men on the desert who've been stranded on the desert for days. Let's watch.
Two or three people are crawling, calling out for water. Time to really ham it up. Finally, they see the cup of water and stagger for it, reaching out. Finally, they get to the water and,
People: Ahhhh! (Relieved -- they take out combs, dip them in water and begin to comb hair.)
A small tent is set up, with an old lady sitting in front of it. This can be a Scout wrapped up in a blanket, who speaks with an old lady's voice. An Announcer introduces her as a very accurate teller of fortunes who can predict a person's future by touching anything belonging to the person.
The Announcer calls up a series of Scouts. He asks the first Scout what he has brought, and the Scout produces a pencil. The Announcer hands the pencil to the Fortune Teller and asks her to tell the future of the owner. The Fortune Teller waves her hands and mumbles some words and then predicts that the owner will become a writer.
The scene is repeated. A Scout produces a comb from his pocket, and the Fortune Teller predicts that he will become a hairdresser. A third Scout has a dollar, and she predicts that he will become a successful banker.
After several of these, the Scapegoat is summoned from the audience. The announcer asks what he has to show the Fortune Teller. No matter what the Scapegoat suggests, the Announcer says it is not good enough. Either it has been done before, or it is too easy, or "That's no fun!", or any other reason. Finally, the Announcer suggests that the Scapegoat try his shoe, and makes him take it off.
The shoe is handed to the Fortuneteller, who repeats her mumbo jumbo. (If the Fortune Teller is a good pantomime, this is a wonderful opportunity to make faces, hold her nose, etc.) She then announces, "You will take a long walk in the woods!" She throws the shoe far into the woods.
"I need eleven volunteers for this skit."
"This skit is called the Four Seasons. You three are trees. You three are leaves in trees, get up in the trees. You're poison ivy, cling to the roots of one of the trees. You're tree's blood, you run through the trees. You two are birds, flit from tree to tree and sing. And you're the babbling brook. You have to babble."
"Babble babble babble babble ..."
"In the spring, the leaves come out on the trees. The birds flit from tree to tree."
"In the summer, the leaves open up and the sun shines down on the forest. The birds form flocks"
"In the fall, the leaves drop from the trees. The birds fly away south."
"In the winter, the brook freezes and stops babbling. All seems still in the forest. But beneath it all there is still life. Look! The sap is still running!"
"Fred, do jumping jacks! Very good! Cheer, everyone!"
"Fred, do a somersault!"
"Fred, do a high jump!" Watch him go way up, then back down.
"Now Fred will do a long jump. I need a volunteer to catch Fred." Pick a scoutmaster, or someone in authority.
"Fred, do a long jump!" Watch Fred jump to the volunteer "Oh! He seems to have jumped into your hair!"
Walk over to the volunteer, start picking through their hair. "Here we are .. no, that's not Fred." toss the flea over your shoulder "Ah! No, that's not Fred." "That's not Fred." "Fred, are you in there?" "That's not Fred either." "Boy, there's a lot of fleas in here." "Fred? Fred?" ...
The story teller tells the story, while the hunter pantomimes the story and his actions. The game warden comes in on cue.
Story Teller: There once was this hunter who was hunting for several years in the same location. Every year, he would see a deer grazing on the edge of a cliff, which was just outside the allowed hunting zone. The deer would never come into the hunting zone. Now this was a very big deer, and would have been a wonderful prize. But the hunter was always unsure, and didn't want to lose his license. Finally one year, the hunter decided that he was going to shoot the deer anyway, as he wasn't having much luck. He went up to the deer, saw that it was dead, and threw it over his right shoulder, then put his gun over his left shoulder. All of a sudden, the game warder came up to him.
Game Warden: Excuse me, sir, I was just watching you. What's that over your shoulder?
Hunter: (looking over left shoulder) That's my hunting rifle.
Game Warden: And what's that over your other shoulder?
Hunter: (looking over right shoulder, and shakes off the deer) AAHHHHHH!
The volunteers are then removed from the room by one of the scouts in charge of the 'Game Show' (thank you Vanna...)
After the volunteers have been removed, the 'Game' is set up. Two tables (the folding type work VERY well) are covered with sleeping bags and balls of various descriptions are placed under buckets on these tables, the catch is that in between the two tables a person (another scout perhaps) is kneeling with his head under a bucket to resemble the other buckets (of course this is well hidden with sleeping bags, or sheets or what ever you have handy) The tables are then moved close together to further hide the fact that there is anyone under the table, and don't forget to cover the front of the table so that the participant, or victim as it were, cannot see under the tables.
Bring in the first contestant...
It is then that the 'Game' is described to the contestant. He/she is to make his/her way down the line of buckets picking up each bucket and naming the ball under the bucket. Give some time record to be beaten. Then as they make their way down the line and eventually pick up the bucket off of the table under which the scout is hiding, the scout should yell/scream etc. to further the shock value.
Bring in the next contestant...etc
This skit is generally really effective and is good for a few laughs if nothing else.
Vincent: Now I will need some birds to twitter among the trees.
(Three birds are selected and they move around the trees making twittering sounds.)
Vincent: (Stands back to view scene) Perhaps a sun to shine on everything. (A tall participant stands on a bench and smiles brightly.)
Vincent: (Again viewing) It's not right yet. I know, some rabbits hopping around. (Assistant Leaders are chosen for rabbits)
Vincent: One last touch. A babbling brook. Scouter, will you be the brook, you're always babbling ? (The brook takes his place.)
Vincent: (Turns to audience) There it is, another Vincent Van Go Go original nature scene. I call it "The Gathering of the Nuts."
Behind the Storekeeper is a curtain, which conceals another Scout, the Storekeeper's Son. He has a full change of clothes with him.
The Storekeeper introduces himself. He explains that this is his store and his Son helps him to run it. He is very proud of how hard he works to satisfy every customer, no matter what the customer wants.
A customer enters, walks up to the counter, and asks for a hat. The Storekeeper turns and calls out, "Hey Son, I need a hat." The curtain moves, and a hand reaches through with a hat. The customer admires it, and they agree on a price. The customer pays, puts on the hat, and walks out acting pleased.
Other customers repeat the process for a jacket, a shirt, shoes, socks, and a pair of pants. Each time, there is more movement of the curtain, and a longer delay before the clothing is handed through the curtain. There are sounds of grumbling, and the Storekeeper reminds his son about their commitment to sell whatever the customer needs.
The last customer walks in hesitantly and asks in embarrassed tones for underwear. The Storekeeper does not hear him, and makes him repeat it until everybody can hear clearly. Finally he says, "Oh of course. Underwear! Son, we need some underwear." Nothing happens.
The Storekeeper repeats his request several times, each time emphasizing the word, "Underwear." There is no answer. He apologizes to his customer for his lazy son, and says he will get the underwear himself. He stomps off behind the curtain.
The curtain shakes, and we hear, "No, Pa! No, Pa! No!" The Son runs through the curtain and across the stage wearing only underpants.
Cast: Ghost, Family asleep in house
Setting: House at Night
Ghost: (Going up to Mom, wakes her up -- uses scary ghost voice.) I am the Ghost of
Ghost: (To Dad -- same thing.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!
Dad: I'm getting out of here!
Ghost: (To son.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!
Son: Help! Mommy!
Ghost: (To daughter.) I am the Ghost of Midnight!
Daughter: (Looks at watch.) Aww, shut up! It's only 11:45!
#1: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! A loony!
Ghost: (Comes out; scary voice.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
(#1 scared; drops loony; runs away)
#2: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! A dollar!
Ghost: (comes out) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
(#2 scared; drops dollar; runs away)
#3: (Bends over; picks up coin.) Wow! Money!
Ghost: (Comes out.) I am the Ghost with one black eye!
#3: Keep it up, and you'll get another!
Driver : Oh, this fool Go Cart is always giving me trouble ! Now the front wheel has come off. (Selects member of audience) Would you come over and give me a hand. Thanks. (Selected person may have some comments to respond to - then they are led to the cart.)
Driver : Here, if you would just be the wheel I need. That's right, get down on your hands and knees up there and be the front wheel. Now let me try it again. (Driver gets on car, tries to start it up.)
Go Cart: (Makes sputtering noises, starts, moves forward, then sags and sputters out.)
Driver : Now what is it ? (Driver moves to rear, lifts cart, lets go and cart sags again.)
Driver : Now that old suspension has gone, I need more help. (Selects someone else) Please come over here and be the suspension. That's right, just hold the back end up there. Now I'll try it again. (Gets on car, starts engine.)
Go Cart: (Sputters to life, moves forward, wobbles, and stops)
Driver : (Getting off) Oh, no. Now the rear wheel is loose. I'll go and get more help. (Selects more help) (New help is positioned at rear wheel.)
Driver: This wheel is loose. If you will just hold the wheel (indicates leg) tightly so it doesn't fall off, you'll be a big help. Thanks. (Driver gets on cart, starts engine)
Go Cart: (Starts up, runs fine, moves forward)
Driver : (Braking to halt) Oh, that's perfect now ! All I needed was a few NUTS to get it going !
Cub 1: Sure haven't been catching much.
Cub 3: I haven't even had a nibble.
Policeman: (walks on from offstage.) What are you guys doing?
Cub 1: Fishing, sir.
Policeman: Can't you tell this is a pack meeting?
Cub 3: No, it's a pond!
Policeman: (nudges man with paper and he lowers it) Do you know these two characters?
Cub 2: (folds newspaper) Sure, they are my friends.
Policeman: In that case, you'd better get them out of here.
Cub 2: Yes, sir. (reaching behind chair, picks up a paddle and acts as if he is paddling away.)
As he struggles, other Scouts walk casually past. They ignore him, or look with curiosity, but they do not help.
Finally, a Scout comes running up and heaves the victim to his feet. The victim is effusively grateful, but the rescuer just looks at his face. He reaches out, plucks something from the victim's forehead, and pops it into his mouth. "Thanks," he says, "I knew I'd lost my gum somewhere around here!"
Announcer: This scene takes place in the camp Dining Hall.
(Several boys are seated around a large pot, sampling the imaginary contents with the spoons.)
Scott : Boy, this is sure good soup.
Brad : Yep, it's got REAL flavor.
David : Sure is, why it's even better than my Mom makes.
Matthew: Oh yeah. It's the best food I've eaten at camp all week.
Cook : (Enters waving floor mop and shouting) Hey you guys ! Get out of my mop water !!!
Known by the same title in the Leader Magazine.
Cast: Three or four Cubs or Scouts, Cook, Tub
#1: (Over tub, tasting contents) Good Soup!
#2: Yeah, Good Soup!
#3: I know! Good Soup!
#4: None better than this! Good Soup!
Cook: (Comes running in) Get out of my dishwater!
Granny is in bed (say on the floor,) and of course is covered with blankets. Your two grannies lie down on their backs, as close together as possible, with heads in opposite directions. The head of one is exposed, the other being covered and where Granny's "feet" are.
Try to figure out a way to set up the audience such that it seems like the right way to be addressing Granny, such as Her being afraid of getting any worse and wanting to be completely covered up to avoid getting cold.
Grandson: (To Granny) Granny! Wake Up! It's time for your pill! (Pause -- no response.) Granny! Wake Up! Oh no! She may be dead! (Ham it up, boys!) My gosh, I'll need some help! (Get volunteer.) Help me wake Granny!
Both of them: Granny! Wake UP! Wake Up!
Grandson: Oh, what ever will we do? She needs to take that pill! I think we need more help! (Get victim.) Will you help us? Just call out with us to wake up Granny.
All of them: GRANNY! WAKE UP! WAKE UP!
Grandson: Maybe if you stand over her and ask her for a sign that she's still alive.
Victim: OK. (Stands over her) Granny! Wake Up! Please! Give me a sign!
Granny's "back end" rises up and hits him on the behind.
Cast: GSITW, Partner with metal pot (with
a bit of water in it) and a pebble
Setting: Boardwalk, Circus, Amusement Park
Separate GSITW and partner by about 15 feet.
Partner: Ladies and Gentlemen! May I present to you the Greatest Spitter in the World! He does all kinds of tricks with a mere spit! Let him show you the simple spit first!
GSITW sends off a regular spit, which is caught in the pot by the partner. When it's supposed to land, he hits the bottom of the pot with a secret pebble he holds in his hand.
Partner: Ladies and Gents! That is not all he can do! Watch his fastball!
Again, another spit which immediately "lands" in the pot. Continue with tricks, such as slow spit, high spit, round the world spit (in which case each turns around, backs facing each other, and the spit takes a while to come around but indeed does,) curve spit, and so on. Finally,
Partner: Now for his last spit! It's a really difficult spit but we think we have it! It's a high, quadruple axle, curvy, spring jump spit! We must have absolute silence for this one!
GSITW spits up, partner follows it up, doing 4 spins, it curves side to side, begins to jump up and down in air, then he seems to lose it ... no, there it is ... he goes side to side, trying to catch it, he trips and spills the water on the crowd.
Contractor (inside house): Okay, we need a color for the wall in the living room. (walks to space that is living room).
Wife: I like white.
Husband: No, how about blue?
Wife: How 'bout tan?
Contractor: Okay...(writes down on paper) um.. wait just a second. The contractor goes to the window looks out, he opens the window leans out and shouts, "Green side up!"
This repeats for two more rooms. Each time after the Contractor says "Green Side Up", couple converses between themselves and are not sure about the sanity of the contractor.
After the last room:
Husband: Mr. (whatever you want his name to be), why do you keep yelling "Green Side Up!" outside the window? We didn't order any green wall paper!?!
Contractor: Oh. I am sorry folks. Boy scout troop is being lead by Scout Master and we just want to make sure the sod gets laid down right.--
Cars and trucks whiz by and don't stop for pedestrians.
Shopper: Excuse me, Sir, could you tell me when there's nothing coming down the street, so that I may cross?
Pedestrian: Sure. (Pauses until cars stop whizzing by. Bus begins coming down the street.) Now you can cross. There's only a dog coming. (He begins to cross; bus hits him.)
New Setting: Hospital Ward
Pedestrian: (To shopper in bed) Gee, I'm really sorry about what happened to you.
Shopper: It's all right. These things happen once in a while. But tell me, why did you say there was a dog coming down the street when it was really a bus?
Pedestrian: Well, it was a Greyhound!
The professor explains he has invented a wonderful machine that makes things grow. He proceeds to demonstrate. He pulls a small piece of paper from his sack, pushes buttons, etc., and throws in the piece of paper (sound effects, flashing lights). The player inside throws out a paperback book. The demonstration continues with small ball in, large ball out; piece of string in, hunk of rope out; etc. Finally, the professor throws in a baby doll. The player inside jumps out in baby clothes, cries "Daddy!", and chases him off stage.