C ¦ D ¦ E
1st Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp coffee is getting worse".
2nd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp tea is getting worse".
3rd Scout- (Walks to pot carrying his mug. He dips his mug in and brings it up to his lips for a drink) "This camp hot chocolate is getting worse".
4th Scout- (Walks up to pot, dips his hands in and takes out a pair of wet socks. As he wrings them out he says) "I thought that would get them clean!"
Have one person lie down on his back and the other kneel directly over him. The top person wears the campfire blanket so as to hide his legs and expose the legs of the person lying down, to create the effect of it being one person sitting down.
Person: Hi there! Welcome to Don's House of Fine Exercises and Sports Medicine. Today I'm going to ask you about your regular stretching routine. Can you do this? (Lifts up a leg so that it's parallel with the chest.) Or this? (Lifts other leg.) And how about this? (Crosses the legs.) This is an unusual one. Can you do it? (Brings feet around the neck.) And let's not forget this one. Can you do it? (Stretches out the legs in spread eagle fashion in the air.) (Elicit a no answer from a volunteer.) Well, neither can I! (Stands up.)
A customer comes in and asks for chocolate covered cherries. Sorry, no chocolate covered cherries. Peanut brittle? Sorry, just sold our last peanut brittle. Toffee. You must have toffee. Um, well, not today. Licorice? Fresh out of licorice.
Well, what do you have? "Well, all we've got are these two suckers."
Cast: Old storekeeper,
very young kid (4 years old)
Setting: A Candy Store
Kid: (Kid walks up to storekeeper and asks) I want five of those penny candies way up at the top.
Storekeeper: You mean those penny candies, way, way, waaaaaayy up top?
Kid: Yes, please.
Storekeeper: Sigh! (Kid takes innocent pleasure in watching the storekeeper go up.)
Storekeeper climbs up and get him five candies, and receives the five cents.
This scene repeats itself several times over 3 more days, with the storekeeper being more and more tired each time and becoming equally more frustrated until,
Storekeeper: Oh! I see that kid coming. I know what he's coming to get, so I'll climb up now to get the candies before he comes in and have it ready for him. (Kid walks in.) I bet I know what you want. I bet you want five of the penny candies from way up top, right?
Kid: Nope! Not today!
Storekeeper: Sigh! Now I have to climb back up to put them away. (He climbs up, puts them away, then comes down.) Now, sonny, what would you like today?
Kid: I would like three of those penny candies way up at the top!
Scene: Park area, Cub Scouts walk on one at a time. This is a pantomime skit and is great to use with younger Cub Scouts and shy boys.
One CUB walks on stage chewing imaginary gum (use exaggerated motions- chewing, blowing bubbles, pulling gum out of mouth, putting it back in), leans against lamppost for a bit, takes gum out of his mouth and sticks it to the lamppost. He then walks off stage. Second CUB comes on stage, leans against lamppost, feels gum stick, pulls the gum off and sticks gum to bench. Second CUB exits. Third CUB enters and sits on bench. Notice gum, pulls it off himself and throws it to the ground. Fourth CUB walks on stage, steps in gum, removes gum from shoe and sticks it to tree. Exits. Fifth CUB enters, leans against tree and finds gum. Removes gum from tree and sticks it on the lamppost. First CUB enters again. Walks up to lamppost, finds gum and sticks it back in his mouth. Walks off stage chewing gum.
Announcer: In this scene, we see a Scoutmaster teaching a Patrol about maps and compass.
Scoutmaster: Now fellows, if you take a bearing from the map this way you can now stand up and, keeping the compass away from your belt buckle, walk along the bearing until you reach your destination. John, you try that.
John : (Does as instructed, exits, re-enters)
Scoutmaster: (Standing) In the same way you can take a bearing on a distant object, and use that to find where you are on the map. Now, each of you take a bearing on that big tree on the hill top.
Other boys : (Do as instructed, passing compass around, making suitable comments.)
Scoutmaster: (After a few moments) All right, let's all gather around. That wraps up tonight's compass lesson. There is just one more important point ! Never, never buy a TATES compass.
Tom : Scouter, why should we never buy a TATES compass ?
Scoutmaster: You know the old saying: "He who has a TATES is lost!"
Cast: Monk, Abbot, narrator
Scene: Abbot's office
Narrator: This skit is about the monks in a monastery who are only allowed to speak two words every ten years. Our friendly monk is about to come in and say his two words, after ten long years of silence.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Bad food!
Narrator: Well, ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He of course is not quite as young as he used to be, and walks a touch more slowly.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: Uncomfortable bed!
Narrator: Well, yet another ten years have gone by, and of course our friendly monk's time has come again to say his two words. He is really old at this point, having been at the monastery for thirty, long, devoted years.
Abbot: (Chants some blessing, then,) Yes, my son, what do you wish to say?
Monk: I quit!
Abbot: I'm not surprised! You've been here for thirty years and all you've done is complain!
After a while Charlie decides to give it a trial and call 52, but no one laughs; there is complete silence. Charlie asks his friend what is wrong. He friend tells him not to worry that there isn't anything wrong, some people can tell jokes and some people can't.
Setting: Boys around fire keep slapping as if they are being attacked by mosquitoes throughout the skit. As the scene opens, the two mosquitoes enter the stage and continue walking randomly around the boys as they deliver their lines.
Mosquito #1: Hey, I got a good one! Which sport do we mosquitoes like best?
Mosquito #2: Easy! Skin diving. Say, did you hear what the Cub Scout said to the mosquito.
Mosquito #1: No, what?
Mosquito #2: Don't bug me!
Mosquito #1: Are you related to any of the bugs around here?
Mosquito #2: Sure. My ant.
Mosquito #1: Did you hear what the mother grasshopper said to her children?
Mosquito #2: No -- tell me.
Mosquito #1: Hop to it!
Cub #1: These mosquitoes are awful! Lucky I brought the insect repellent. (Pretends to spray air.) (Mosquitoes exit quickly -- choking and gagging.)
Cub #2: (To cub #1) Say, what has 18 feet, red eyes, and long claws.
Cub #1: I don't know.
Cub #2: Neither do I, but it's crawling up your neck.
(All boys run screaming from stage.)
Props: Frisbee for discuss, pile for javelin, bag of cookies, toothbrush and basin of water on stand, fake mike for reporter (can be dressed in suit jacket and have ID for his station on his lapel in large letters)
TV reporter: We're here today to interview the athletes at Pack _____ as they prepare for the challenge of this years Cub Olympics. As you can imagine, it takes months of training and hard work to get these athletes ready to compete. Let's see how they are preparing themselves for the big competition. (turns to Cub #1 with microphone) Tell me, how are you getting ready for your event in the Olympics?
Cub #1: I'm practicing my throw for the discus event. (demonstrates how to throw discus
TV reporter: Great form! (turns to Cub #2) and you -- can you tell us how you are preparing to compete?
Cub #2: I'm polishing my javelin for the javelin throw (polishes pole with a rag.)
TV reporter: Good luck! (turns to Cub #3) What are you doing today?
Cub #3: I'm practicing for the standing broad jump. (does a couple of practice jumps)
TV reporter: Fine! (turns to Cub #4) And what are you doing to train for the Olympics?
Cub #4: I'm brushing my teeth! (uses basin of water and toothbrush --pretends to brush teeth)
TV reporter: Brushing your teeth! What Olympic event could you possibly be training for?
Cub #4: I'm training for the International Olympic Cookie - Eating event! (pulls out bag of cookies and stuffs some in his mouth.)
Props: A pile of socks on a table. Den leader sits behind table.
Den leader: Boys, I'm pleased to announce that our new Cub Scout socks have arrived!
Please step up for your supply of clean socks.
Cub #1: I need four pair.
Den leader: What do you need 4 pair for?
Cub #1: I need them for Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday.
Den leader: O.K. Here are your socks. Next please.
Cub #2: I need seven pair.
Den leader: What do you need seven pair for?
Cub #2: For Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
Den leader: O.K. here are your socks.
Cub #3: I need 12 pairs.
Den leader: Wow, you must really be a clean guy! So why do you need 12
Cub #3: Well, there's January, February, March, April...etc.
#1: I'd like to buy the Cub Shirt.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have it!") (Comes back with a shirt.)
#2: I'd like to buy the accessories to the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with accessories.)
#3: I'd like to buy the pants to go with the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with pants.)
#4: I'd like to buy the right kind of shoes for the Cub Uniform.
Storekeeper: Sure. One moment, please. (You hear the kid struggling with the keeper in the background -- "No, you can't have them!") (Comes back with shoes.)
Kid: (Comes running out in underwear/swim suit) How am I supposed to go to Cubs without my uniform?
Director: Okay, people! Remember what I said about the language! Action!
Clapperman: Scene 5, Take 1!
Worker 1: (Eating lunch with #2) You know, Gerry, the wife is always nagging me for some more money. And I just don't have it.
Gerry: I know what you mean. The (DARN) kids are always ...
Director: Cut! What did I say about the language? You know the rules ... soap in the mouth. (Pantomime director washing out Gerry's mouth with soap.) Okay, let's try that one again. And watch the language!
Continues the same way, but each time something happens where a different person says "Darn" -- clapperman gets fingers caught in clapper (don't do the whole scene over again, of course,) cameraman trips while filming, light person drops light, #1 says "the darn wife ..." Finally, the director is about to start the scene again when he looks at his watch.
Director: Oh darn. Look at the time ...
Cast & Crew: Cut! You know the rules ... (Pantomime washing out mouth with soap)
#1: Well, time to go to bed. AND I GET THE TENT! (Beats up little guy.)
#2: But... Oh well, it's no use. (He sets up his sleeping bag under the stars.)
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) Ha! Ha! Let's beat up this guy! (They beat up little guy.)
#2: Hey! Last night some bikers came here and beat me up!
#1: You're just jealous that I took the tent. Be a man.
The next night and morning, the same routine occurs, with the little guy complaining even more. Finally, the big guy lets the little guy have the tent, with much ado about him being a wimp. That night,
Bikers: (Make motorcycle noises & come in.) You know, I think we've beat up on the guy outside enough the past two nights. Let's beat up the guy inside the tent tonight!
Scene: One person lying on the ground, dead. Another sees him and runs for the telephone and, panicking, gasps: "Police, there's a dead person here... Where ? .... Uh, (looking for a sign), "I'm at Montgomery and Westchester... Spell it ?... Uh, M-o-t-n... Uh, M-o-t-g,," (confused), "Just a minute, I'll drag him over to King and Elm !"
Scene: A nature walk.
Props: Cub - fashioned bouquet, with strands of ivy.
Cub 1: Gee, Fellas. I don't think Mrs. Brown's having a very good time.
Cub 2: Well, you didn't help things much, giving her that garter snake.
Cub 3: I was just trying to help her collect stuff for our nature display at pack meeting.
Cub 4: Yeah...and you heard what she said! "Nothin' ever again, that moves by itself."
Cub 3: So...now I know better!
Cub 5: Don't worry about a thing, you guys. I'm gonna fix everything.
Cub 6: Yeah? How?
Cub 5: Well, you know how nutty women are about flowers? So, I picked her this neat bunch of flowers...(he holds up bouquet, with trailing strands of ivy)... See?
Cub 6: Oh no... (wails). We'll never get to go on another hike!
Cub 5: How come?
Cub 6: Cause...that's poison ivy!!
Weakling: Hi there. I'm advertising the great effects this wonderful vegetable cocktail, V-8, has on your stamina. You, Sir. (To a tough looking thug.) Did you have your V-8 today?
Thug: Duh, no. Real men don't drink V-8.
Weakling: Sure they do. Watch! (He beats up thug.) See? I had my V-8 today!
You Sir! Did you have your V-8 today?
Thug 2: (Has crowbar) No, I don't need it!
Weakling: Sure you do. (He beats up thug.) You can tell I do! And you Sir! Did you have your V-8 today?
Thug 3: Ask me again and I'll beat you up.
Weakling: Heh, heh. Did you have your V-8 today? (Thug tries to beat him up, but weakling takes care of him no problem.) So you see, having your V-8 is great for you.
An old lady walks in; weakling looks puzzled, whispers to director saying he hadn't heard about an old lady in the script; director says to go on and ask her anyway.
Weakling: Excuse me, Ma'am. Did you have your V-8 today?
Old lady: As a matter of fact, young man, I did -- and I'll prove it! (She beats him up.)
Props: table with tablecloth, candles, menus, etc. Most important - a storybook
Two customers enter a fancy seafood restaurant, study the menus, etc. Waiter arrives to take orders
One customer orders shrimp, the second says, "I'd like a lobster tail, please."
Waiter says appropriate things, goes away, returns with a storybook, sits down near customer two but face audience and begins to read; "Once upon a time, there was a little lobster...."
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I
feel like a set of drapes.
Doc: Pull yourself together!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Am I going to die?
Doc: That's the last thing you'll do.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! Everyone keeps ignoring me.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My back feels like a deck of cards!
Doc: I'll deal with you later.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! What's wrong with me?
Doc: Have you had this before?
Doc: Well, you've got it again!
Doc: You'll live to be 80.
Pat: I am 80.
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! I've got insomnia.
Doc: Don't lose any sleep over it!
Pat: Doctor! Doctor! My friend's doctor told him he had appendicitis and, two weeks later, my friend died of heart failure.
Doc: Don't worry. If I tell you you've got appendicitis, you'll die from appendicitis!
Two friends are walking along the street, perhaps having a conversation about something, talking about a movie or the latest hockey scores, when all of a sudden --
John: Hey Frank! Watch out! That may be doggie doo! Smell it to see if it smells like
Frank: (Smells it) Yep! Smells like doggie doo!
John: Touch it to see if it feels like doggie doo!
Frank: (Touches it) Yep! Feels like doggie doo!
John: Taste it to see if it tastes like doggie doo!
Frank: (Tastes it) Yep! Tastes like doggie doo!
John: Well! It's a good thing we checked and didn't walk in it!
"It seems to me that this one perhaps could use a little "setting the scene" -- perhaps start off with the "actors" standing around on break, and the Director calling them in, saying that they'd had enough time already. On that note, I once participated in the presentation of this skit. I was a fifth cleaner who was sort of on break, sort of working. I had a coffee cup, a broom, some towels, etc. I would go up and clean the camera, sweep around the son who was lying on the ground, occasionally try to interrupt, but not quite manage to, etc. After a verbatim presentation as follows, I added in, "Yeah guys, let's get back to work!"
"Otherwise known as "At the Movies" from the Leader Magazine -- text from the Best of the Leader Magazine Cut Out Pages." Author
Cast: Director, Others in a Studio (Clapper Board, Lighting Men), Mother, Son, Doctor, Undertaker, brooms for the actors
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take one!
The actors play the scene without the least sign of emotion as lighting people follow and cameraman films. Mother is flipping pancakes at the stove when son walks in.
Son: Mom, I don't feel too well. (He collapses)
Mom: (Goes over, looks at son.) Oh, I'd better call the doctor. (Moves to the phone, dials making click, click, click sounds.) Doctor, come quick. My son's collapsed.
Doctor: (Enters, checks pulse and breathing.) He's dead. I'd better call the undertaker. (Goes to phone, dials making dialing sounds like Mom did.)
Undertaker, you'd better come. I have a dead body here.
Undertaker: (Enters and begins to measure the body.)
Director: (Jumps up.) Cut! Cut! That was terrible. You had no emotion AT
ALL! Let's do it again. This time, give me more emotion!
Cast: (Exiting) Right. More emotion.
Director: Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene one, Take Two!
The actors redo the scene, using exactly the same words, but with great hammy histrionics. Mom weeps uncontrollably throughout, son dies very dramatically, etc. At the same point as in Take One, the Director yells, "Cut! Cut!"
Director: That was better, but too fast. Let's try again. This time, slow it down. Lights, Camera, Action!
Clapper: Scene on, Take three!
The actors redo the scene in slow motion -- talking slowly, mowing slowly. For example, when the telephone is dialed it goes click ... click ... click ... and after the doctor check's the son's pulse, the son's hand falls slowly back to the floor, etc. The Director yells "Cut!" in the usual place.
Director: That was far too slow! Let's speed it up!
This time the actors do the scene so quickly that the son throws himself to the ground, the doctor is there before Mom can hang up, and so on.
Director: (At the same place) Cut! That was absolutely terrible! Actors? Do you call yourselves actors!!??
Cast: Actors? Who said anything about actors? We're the cleaners! (All pickup brooms and exit.)
Leader: (to group) It must not be working now. I'll try again. (to echo) This leader is great.
Guide, Tourists, Echo hidden in the bushes
Setting: A Tour of the Countryside
You might want to lengthen it a bit at first, to tell a more complete story, but for the sake of brevity, you might not.
Guide: (To tourist group) And this over here is the famous site where John Smith first discovered gold. Now if you'll follow me, we'll be going to Echo Point next. (Walks around a bit with group.) Here it is. What makes Echo Point so special is that whenever you call out the name of a food, it will echo three times. Listen. Yogurt! (Echo: "Yogurt! Yogurt! Yogurt!") See? Now, would anybody else like to try?
Tourist #1: I would. Banana! (Echo: "Banana! Banana! Banana!")
Tourist #2: Salad! (Echo: "Salad! Salad! Salad!") Hey! Neato!
Tourist #3: I want to try. Baloney! (Echo: "Baloney! Baloney!" -- ONLY TWICE!)
Guide: (After a pause,) That's strange -- it's never repeated a food only twice. Maybe we should wait a moment more. (Pause -- nothing happens.) I'm so embarrassed. Well, I guess we should go back to the base, where the food is so good!
A dime becomes a quarter.
A string becomes a coil of rope.
A newspaper page becomes the Sunday paper.
Set up a sheet as a backdrop, and hide a Scout behind it with the large objects and a bucket of water. The Professor will be in front of the sheet with the small objects. If it is dark, you will need a spotlight on the action.
The Professor walks out and announces that he has developed a wonderful Enlarging Machine that will make anything - anything - bigger. As the Scout behind the machine makes 'machine' noises, he explains that the machine is operated simply by tossing an object over the sheet. The machine will then return the object in a much larger form.
The Professor will demonstrate his fantastic invention, but he needs volunteers to help. One by one, the volunteers come forward. The Professor hands them an object which they throw over the sheet. The machine then makes noises, and the larger object is tossed back. Each time, the Professor exclaims about the value and capability of the machine.
The last volunteer is the Scapegoat, who is volunteered by the Professor and the crowd. The Professor takes the Scapegoat by the arm and leads him toward the audience and away from the sheet. In tones of great secrecy, the Professor encourages him to have some fun with the machine and spit over the sheet. They return to the sheet, and the Scapegoat spits. He is instantly drenched by a bucket of water.
The Professor can talk out loud about an object, but actually hand the Scapegoat a cup of water. By his actions, he implies that he and the Scapegoat are going to surprise the Scout behind the machine. This can have several outcomes; the Scout can be surprised; the Scapegoat can get wet anyway; or the Professor can get wet, to his surprise.
Props: Ping pong ball, sponge, white golf tees, pan with ice cream bars in the bottom.
Cub 1: Isn't it great our leader is letting us make a pie for our den meeting treat?
Cub 2: Sure is. I don't know what kind of pie it is, but here are the directions.
Cub 3: Let's see, first you put in these walrus eyes.
Cub 4: Walrus eyes? Are you sure?
Cub 3: Says so right here. (Puts ping pong balls in pan.)
Cub 5: OK, next put in a pound of blubber.
Cub 4: A pound of blubber? Are you sure?
Cub 5: That's what it says in the recipe. (Puts in white sponges.)
Cub 6: The next thing to add are two dozen polar bear teeth.
Cub 4: I don't believe that. Why would you put teeth in a pie?
Cub 3: Hey, you have to have teeth to eat a pie!
Cub 4: Oh yeah, go ahead.
Cub 6: Here go the teeth. (Puts in golf tees.)
Cub 1: Now we let it freeze for one hour. (Put lid on pan.)
Cub 2: (Hold up sign that says "one hour later".)
Cub 1: Let's see what we've got. (Uncovers pot.)
All: (Look into pan and exclaim.) Eskimo pies!!!! (Pull out ice cream bars, open and eat.)